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Bored? Update your Facebook to “in a relationship” with someone you’ve never met just to see if they’ll confirm.
My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night. So I said I had a headache.
Whenever I screw up at work, I`m so glad I`m not a doctor.
My friend sent his wedding invitation from Facebook Event. I sent him a gift from Farmville.
Happy Labor Day to someone who barely labored this year.
If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck then it could be a dragon doing a duck impersonation.
My kids are giving all the people on this airplane a hard lesson in birth control right now.
Ladies, Admit it. Sometimes you look down at your own boobs and think "Wow, these are Awesome!"
I may hate waiting. But I love procastinating.
I slept and woke up. (ok, lately this has become a major accomplishment in my life)
I want it all and I want it delivered.
I love all religions. They bring holidays .
If cartoons can wear the same clothes everyday then so can I, dammit!
The fastest way to being happy is to make other people happy. You go first.
I`m tired of making the same mistakes over and over again. Does anyone have any new mistakes I can borrow?