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Easy baked macaroni and cheese recipe: Boil macaroni in water.... follow the rest of the instructions on box. TADA!
If we all winked, laughed out loud, stuck out our tongues and blew kisses in real life as much as we do in texts...it would be very creepy.
I never make stupid mistakes ... only very clever ones
I’m in a long distance relationship. Sure, some people refer to it as a restraining order, but still.
Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you`re able to "fall asleep right now."
How long does it usually take for a Happy Meal to start working?.... It`s been an hour.
Awkward moment when you don’t know if you were offered gum out of generosity or if your breath stinks.
Very few things upset my wife. So, it makes me feel rather special to be one of them.
The generation of today are so allergic to everything, future wars will be fought by throwing bags of peanuts and cat hair at each other.
I wish I could commute by roller coaster.
I didn`t mean to offend you, that was just a bonus.
Note: the 5 second rule does not apply to soup.
I`m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
If people who shop at Walmart, “Save Money. Live Better.” Exactly how bad were these people living BEFORE Walmart?
Just backed into a Jaguar but I left him a note on my bank statement so he knows not to bother calling