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The difference between “like” “love” and “in love” is the same as the difference between “for now” “for a while” and “forever”
I just noticed me saying "LOL" everytime I`m laughing = facebook addict...lmao :)
My doctor asked me if I drink to excess. I told him I would drink to anything.
Sometimes, late at night in WalMart, I switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
Taco Bell drive-thru should have a “I’m Feeling Lucky” button.
Here`s how I gained 27lbs of muscle in 5 weeks: Lying.
F*ck It - My final thought before making decisions.
Here`s a joke for all you mind readers...
If at first you don`t succeed then maybe you just suck.
First comes love, then comes marriage. Then comes not making any decisions and feeling guilty about asking for blowjobs.
If you see someone crying, ask them if it is because of their haircut.
To find out your dolphin name, lick your finger tips and rub a balloon
A homeless man told me he hadn`t had a bite in weeks, so I bit him.
This spider just got away from me because I made the classic villain mistake of telling him my whole evil plan before killing him.
Sometimes I wish there was a `Build-a-Girlfriend`.