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Relationships should come with an icon that shows you how much time you have left like your phone’s battery.
Share this if you are weird and don`t care
Running feels great unless you compare it to not running
Sarcasm is like a good game of chess. Most people don`t know how to play chess.
My favorite beer is the next one.
If relationship breakups never existed, the music industry would go Bankrupt !
These animal crackers are crap, this elephant tastes exactly like that giraffe did.
How to find the perfect wife: Play monopoly with her. if she chooses the iron, she`s the one.
I`m so proud of myself, I spent all night putting my Christmas decorations up myself.. I`m now at the hospital having them removed
Picking your nose doesn`t make you a bad person. .... but what you do with the booger will define you.
love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.
No matter where you live, there’s always 1 light switch that doesn’t do anything.
I`m so fresh they call me "ferbreeze"
Won’t go back in my bathroom until spider is gone! Web search for “spider life span” reveals I will be able to shower again in 1 to 2 years.
She caught my iphone before it hit the ground... She`s definitely my screensaver