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I tend to avoid things that make me look fat. You know like scales, mirrors and photographs
What does it mean if the Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin (asking for a friend)
Babysitters are just teenagers who behave like adults so that adults can go out and behave like teenagers.
It’s all fun and games until they reply to your text with a phone call.
I’m giving up on the silent treatment. ...Going to start talking to myself again.
I couldn`t help but notice that I would like to have sex with you more frequently!
Really discouraging that there`s still bald people in sci fi movies.
Why do hospitals need to advertise? It`s not like I`m going to go to Home Depot instead.
My exercise routine consists of doing diddly squats.
I`ll make better mistakes tomorrow.
They told me to never give up. Now they call me a stalker.
Serving size ?? LMAO
Most hated song in jail: "Bad Boys, Bad Boys, whatcha gonna do when they come for you"......
The Drug Store cashier asked me how im doing as I put some diarrhea medicine on the counter. "Not great man, I`ve got diarrhea" I told him.
`Google`` must be a woman, because it knows everything.