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Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the hell.
The cashier at the dollar store told me to have a good day. Like my purchase of shelf liner suggested any other plan.
I hide from people too, so I get it bigfoot, I get it.
when i have children im going to make them watch 2012 and tell them i survived all of that.
I`m confused as to whether I`m supposed to leap or hump today.
If you believe in reincarnation then your tombstone should say “b.r.b” instead of “r.i.p”.
Such a satisfying feeling when “the one that got away” turns into “dodged that bullet”
I wonder who the first person was to look at a beehive and think, "those bastards are hiding something delicious in there, I know it!"
I went to McDonalds, put 5 dollars on the counter and said "Surprise me". Because I never get what I ask for anyway!
When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.
I hope I die alone. I mean, you`d have to be a pretty big jerk to hope others die with you.
When someone says “You just made my day,” it makes my day.
Iwent to Office Max to buy a drawing board, but they were sold out. I guess it`s back to the....oh rats...
If you put a "Student Driver" sign on top of your car, Nobody will ever suspect you of drunk driving.
Microsoft Excel has got to be the worlds worst video game.