Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just shaved my legs. I think I lost three pounds.
I still believe in love. But I also believe in sasquatch, nessy, and that I could win the lottery. So there`s that....
I just ran butt a$$ naked through Walmart yelling "Stop that shoplifter! she got my clothes!"
Bored? Find group photo of 4 women. Comment "You 3 look incredible!!"
Deja poo. The feeling that you`ve heard this sh!t before.
Turning on your lights and siren after you lose a drag race is just poor sportsmanship.
Just changed my wireless network name in my apartment to "I can hear you having sex through the ceiling and it sounds mediocre."
It`s not you, it`s me. I just don`t like myself when I`m around you.
Use a mirror and you will find, PI.E = 3.14
People who go rock climbing: you know you don`t have to, right
Do feminists look under their beds for the boogie woman?
Mary Had a Little Lamb, Little Lamb, Little Lamb. Maybe she wasn`t that hungry.
Sitting in traffic like the non-helicopter owning loser that I am.
in wine there is wisdom. in beer there is freedom. in water there is... umm bacteria
Tequila, because sometimes you and your toilet need to hug it out.