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People should mute themselves on conference calls when they are crossing a battlefield and killing enemies to get to the next level.
This hangover feels like Quentin Tarantino directed it.
Hi I’m a spider & I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
I poured some shampoo over my speakers today and they blew up... So much for EXTRA VOLUME.
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don`t give a damn!
I am used but in good condition.
Don`t do it in the Garden, they say love is blind but ur neighbor ain`t.
Note to Self: In future interviews, don`t say "Safe in your strong arms" when the employer asks where I see myself in 5 years.
Get off your high horse. Seriously, it’s not safe to ride any animal that’s stoned.
My cat just dragged in a half eaten sausage, I have no idea where he got it from but it tastes expensive.
If you are going to write in the dust on my car, please dont date it
GAL: Would you keep me in your heart forever? BOY: Nop! GAL: (sadly)...why? BOY: Because then you`ll occupy only one part of me...but i`ll keep you in my heart, mind & let you complete me.
Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.
Sometimes, I question my sanity ... Sometimes, it replies
Social Media: Because I like to socialize with cool people without having to speak, wear pants or get off the couch.