Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I would like to discuss tennis but I wouldn`t want to cause a racket
My girlfriend and I have an open relationship and will continue to do so right up until she finds out.
These ramen noodles taste like payday is next Friday.
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain why i fell asleep on the kitchen counter… naked… again..
is spending my children´s inheritance.
Was shopping when a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain`t got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
Of all the lies I tell, "I was just kidding!" is my favorite.
I had cheese, but no crackers ... I was cracka-lackin
How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout “Heroes in a half shell.” 3) When a girl yells back “Turtle Power,” marry her.
Some people just need to be clothes lined
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart
Nothing says lazy like laying on the couch making today`s responsibilities tomorrow`s problem.
When we were kids, we didn`t have Pokemon Go. If we wanted to look for things that weren`t there, we would get stoned like normal people.
How long are Winnie the Pooh and Tigger going to ignore the fact there`s something seriously wrong with Eeyore
Nothing`s more embarrassing than that pantsless walk to get more toilet paper. I felt like everyone in CVS was staring at me.