Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Is it hibernation time yet? Because I am 100% into that.
Boss: Are you high? Me: You and I both know that I don`t make enough money to have a drug habit.
I do not have commitment issues... I`ve been buying the same brand of vodka for 8 years!
I need new swear words.
You know how people dread going to the dentist? I feel that way about getting out of bed.
CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE: Oh... I have nothing to say, I just crave the spotlight.
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
Did you hear that? That was the sound of soccer being irrelevant in the US for another 4 years..
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.
I don`t always say I`m never drinking again, but when I do, I`m a f*cking liar.
I`m 0-9 on finding secret rooms behind bookcases.
The problem with you is ... you exist.
I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry.
Thank god we don`t send messages with pigeons anymore. Where would I find 200 pigeons every day?
The only man worth waiting for is the delivery guy