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Love is when the guy who stocks the liquor knows your name.
I don`t care how the future pans out, any amazon delivery from now on is referred to as a drone strike.
Yes I have a dirty mind ... And you`re on it!
Simmer down joggers running in place at a stop light, simmer down.
"No I don’t need any help. I know more about booze than you do" - Me to the liquor store clerk
Your license plate should be your phone number... So when you drive like a dumbass, I can let you know about it.
Walmart: the only place on Earth you can get a haircut, eye exam, ice cream sandwich, tires for your car, and witness a real life "what not to wear" episode.
Liquid sanity: I call it alcohol..!!
I’m not going to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on.
Golf is such a strange game. You shout four, shoot six, and write down five.
If you want to bribe me food and beer works.
uncle Sam can`t be related to me because family wouldn`t do me like this.
If you’re so much better than the leading brand then why are you not the leading brand?
My 5 year old set up the lemonade stand all by himself and, while I`m proud of him, I doubt he`ll make a lot of sales in the backyard.
I wonder if Brazil has a wax museum?