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I`m actually a pretty normal person when you ignore the faint cries for help coming from my basement..
Seems like my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair.
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! – no one ever
I`ll tell you what a woman wants. She wants you to drag her to the bedroom, toss her down, and do the dishes and laundry while she takes a nap.
I hate mixed messages. They`re great.
A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
When people say, "You look familiar," i like to reply with, "Do you watch porn?"
Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child
The only way I`ll ever run a marathon is if I set up the booths and hand out tags.
The last time I was someone`s type, I was donating blood.
Guys be like, "Lets play 21 question." Girl: Ok, what`s your favorite color? Boy: Triangle, so you a virgin?
I just saw the neighbor`s kid trying to spray whipped cream on his cat. I`m thinking he overheard something last night in that house he wasn`t supposed to.
What did I get for Christmas? Fat...
Do girls that make duck faces in pictures walk in a V formation at the mall?
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.