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Our parents always taught us NOT to write on walls... Facebook teaches us differently
Just heard about the Obamacare deadline and I`m freaking out. I have so many questions. Who is Obama?
One day you will die, but every other day you won’t. So that’s pretty great, right? ... Inspirational posts are hard.
Sorry I can’t make it to your party tonight. I have to get up really early tomorrow afternoon.
I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance! ..By driving away and not leaving a note.
There`s no panic like trying to press "End" when you make an accidental call.
This fly in my car is going to be very disappointed when it ends up at Walmart.
I`m at my neighbor`s house having the most delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home!
Maybe if I tilt my head to the side I can understand English – dogs
Whew, good thing there`s a facebook petition for ending the shutdown, or else we`d be in real trouble.
My favorite thing around the holidays is being put into a group message with 200 people reply "Who`s This"
My resume is really just a list of things I never want to do again.
When I get married I plan on introducing my spouse as my ex-fiancé just to mess with people.
U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. how many fish do you have?? stop counting smart one fish can`t drown
I`m off and running like a wounded herd of turtles on valium