Daily Silly Status

It`s not so much blowing my diet as preventing the fudgesicles from developing freezer burn.

I love tan lines... it`s like God came down and high-lighted all the good parts... ;-)

Diet goal: I want to lose just enough so that my hand will fit comfortably in a Pringles can...

Ladies: We leave the toilet seat up because we don`t want to touch it any more than you do.

People in love use phrases like “takes my breath away” and “swept me off my feet”. I think they’re confusing love with attempted murder.

You girls are lucky, tampons are changing the end from a string to a bit of tinsel but its only for the Christmas period

FACEBOOK STORY: Add as friend – Approve -> Write something on wall -Intro – Everyday chatting – Ask number phone – Messaging – Calling – Meeting – Express love – Make relationship status – Hangout – Misunderstanding – Fight – Break up – Unfriend – Block !THE END

My 6 year old has already asked me 4,327 questions this morning. I`m seriously considering getting another Vasectomy just to be safe.

I love buying a $1 burger and getting $2 worth of mayo...

Sir, your burrito is $5.97. With guacamole, your total comes to $386,932.32

Remember when the scariest thing we had to deal with was computers forgetting what year it was

Go home Polar Vortex....yer drunk.

This debate episode has to be the craziest Celebrity Apprentice I`ve ever seen!

A woman’s anger is like a check engine light; there’s no pleasant way to determine what caused it, so just ignore it and hope it goes away.

Can I get likes for no reason?