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Are nap dates a thing? Because that`s something I can work with...
Girls think that having their period is the most inconvenient thing they can experience. They`ve obviously never dated a girl who was on her period.
Relax, we`re all crazy. It`s not a competition.
Have I posted my Alzheimers joke yet?
What if aliens only abduct crazy people, because nobody will ever believe them?
I watch so many crime shows on Tv, that when I turn off the Tv set, I wipe my fingerprints 0ff the remote.
Must you really ask why I have my selfie on top of my Christmas tree?
I hate when my friends stand so close to me when pictures are being taken. It`s like they don`t know I plan on cropping them out later.
My wife woke up with a HUGE smile on her face this morning. I love sharpies.
I`m already an idiot, I just need a village.
First, Ray Rice. Now, Adrian Peterson. The prison football league is going to be off the chain this year.
Thank God I still have a few days left to achieve my goal of “going to the gym in 2014.”
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything.
Do you ever look through old pictures and wonder, “Where the hell did that shirt go?”
If flying is really so safe, then why is it called the `terminal`?