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I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion, the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
You can`t fix stupid but you can divorce it
Money can`t buy you happiness, but it does give you the ability to rent it until you die.
More often than not, the excitement of a Facebook friend request dies upon discovering who it is.
Does all this status updating make my ego look fat?
Imagine Ferris Bueller trying so hard not to Instagram his whole day off.
Your shadow: What happens when light travels 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet by you.
The ultimate home security system is having crappy stuff.
Thumbnail pics. Helping ugly people look hot until you click on them since 1995.
Good friends don’t let you do dumb things… alone.
The real heroes are the people who live within driving distance of their in-laws.
BREAKING NEWS: Will Smith sends Miley Cyrus to live with auntie and uncle in Bel Air.
I Don`t Care If you Don`t Like Me .. Iam Not A Facebook Status :D
You know that really private/embarrassing stuff you say to your girlfriend when no one else is around? Her friends know all that sh!t.
Today, 2 year olds can unlock an iphone, open and close their favorite apps. All by themselves. When I was that age, I was eating silly putty.