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There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye, but she was seeing someone on the side.
life is unfair theres 6 days between monday and sunday but only 1 between sunday and monday
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present....They are due back at the library today.
Me- We need eggs. Hub- How many? Me- One. See if they will sell you just one.
Ya know those scenes where the guy shoves everything off the table and throws a woman on it yeah I`ve only done that with pizza
So what if I`m single now ... I mean it can`t be that hard to boil toast, can it?
If a dentist makes his money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
My kids are the reason I wake up every morning. Really freaking early. Every...Single...Morning...
Adding “and sh!t” to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
An empty web browsing history is a sure sign of guilt.
Covers on, too hot. Covers off, too cold. One foot out would prolly be ok, but I don’t wanna be dragged from bed paranormal activity style.
Facebook crushes are all fun and games until someone buys a plane ticket.
Just bent over to pick up a beer that rolled out of the fridge and realized yoga is exhausting
I don’t have a bucket list, but my f*cket list is a mile long.