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Who says nothing is impossible. I´ve been doing nothing for years.
Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.
I love how stars are billions of miles apart and we`re like "that`s a soup ladle".
If I ran the country, things would be a lot better ... Well, for me anyway.
Almost considered doing something with my life, but then I sat down and logged into Facebook.
The only real difference between my 20s and my 30s is that now I make all my bad decisions before midnight.
Remember, condoms prevent minivans.
There’s literally no way to know how many chameleons are in your house.
If you think I wrote this status update in the nude, you`re wrong. I`m wearing a sombrero and a candy necklace.
My secret fantasy is to have two women at the same time, one cooking and one cleaning.
I`m alone in my car ... Counting it as a vacation.
Whoever said "What goes around, comes around", never passed around a bag of Doritos......................
Judging by the way some women wear makeup it`s rather obvious they didn`t excel at coloring as a kid ...
In the word "scent" is it the s that is silent or the c?
Cooking tip of the day: Rub your eyes BEFORE you dice the jalapenos...