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Vodka and denial are cheaper than therapy.
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to simply ignore you.
Just did 100 crunches. Crumbs everywhere.
I had to leave the bowling alley right in the middle of the game. I didn`t have time to spare.
You drink too much, swear too much and your morals are questionable. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a friend.
The older I get .... The more dangerous it is to sneeze
So glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how much I’m understanding what other people are saying.
Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
My son got one of those `Stop Bullying` wristbands. he took it away from a fat little ginger kid.
My body is by no means a temple but it can be one heck of a amusement park ride...
Don`t you wish common sense would make a big comeback.
If you leave me a voice mail that asks me to call you back at my convenience you have no one to blame but yourself.
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna` be a great day.
There`s a pretty good chance I`ll end up being one of those senior citizens who randomly bites people...
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it`s dead yarn now, though.