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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
My neighbors got so weird when I asked how many bodies they thought were buried in their yard. I meant roughly, not like an exact number.
Have you ever looked at your ex and wondered...WAS I drunk the whole time?
Head & Shoulders needs to come out with a body spray that will help repel flakey people from my life.
Dear life, I`ve had enough bullsh!t to last a while. Can we take a little break please.
Hurricanes, Fires,Tiger running loose ... Whoever is playing Jumanji needs to wrap it up
People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their car keys.
It`s so nice to come home and relax with Facebook after a long day at the office being on Facebook.
My favorite part about your rant on how much you hate social media sites was when you posted it from a social media site.
Happiness is realizing you can have as many drinks as you want ... cause you`re not driving.
Please don`t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I`m awesome doesn`t mean I like you.
Today is National Fritters Day. I don`t know what that means, so I just went naked today. Gotta be something like that.
I just had a threesome in the shower with Johnson and Johnson.
So who the hell ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?
I`ve got worms !!!! ......... worms in me garden