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Listening to your wife is like reading the terms and conditions of a website. Sometimes you understand nothing, and still you say..."I Agree".....!
Dad, I love how we don`t even have to say out loud that I`m your favorite. Happy Fathers Day!
I am not bossy, I just know how to do things the right way.
*Food hits floor* Little Germs: “Let’s get it!”King Germ: “No, we must wait 5 seconds!”
The new neighbors moved in today. I brought them a box of condoms to show how much I don`t want anymore children living on our street.
It`s 2014 and somehow we still don`t have a car mirror that can make objects appear exactly as far away as they are.
The worst about the weekend?? The ending part.
I once had the desire to do something worthwhile with my life. Then I discovered naps.
It`s ok to admit when you`re wrong. Just don`t tell anyone.
Hooters does have hot girls, but the Subway girls are the real wife material.
I don`t even think it`s possible for a bear to cook porridge.
been there, done that, wrote the book and have the t-shirt to prove it. What more do you want!
is not rude...I just wasn`t taught to politely pretend to be nice to people I can`t stand.
Requesting a table in the “Hot Waitress” section should be socially acceptable.
When the zombie apocalypse happens, I’m going to blast Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”, while the zombies chase us, just to lighten the mood.