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If today drags anymore, it`s going to come out of the closet in a sexy little dress
So vegetarians eat vegetables... I think I`m going to play it safe and avoid humanitarians.
My friend works at a rubber dog poop factory. He`ll never get rich, but he makes doo.
People in love use phrases like “takes my breath away” and “swept me off my feet”. I think they’re confusing love with attempted murder.
I am not acting childish and you`re just a big doody-head.
There should be an "undo" button in an elevator for when you accidentally hit the wrong floor.
I was an adult once. Then I opened a Facebook account.
This status is dedicated to whatever you’re ignoring in real life to read it.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
"Ramen". - Scooby Doo, finishing a prayer
Folding laundry with a toddler is like trying to straighten a desk full of papers while a fan blows on it.
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for most of you.
no..i am not drunk, floors needs hugs too ! :p
Lies I`ll never stop telling: 1. I`d never put you in a home, mom. 2. It`s 6 inches long. 3. I have no idea how the PC got a virus.
Young enough to know I can. Old enough to know I shouldn`t. Stupid enough to do it anyway.