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Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
"It seemed like a good idea at the time"............................... An often used phrase in a lot of my memories.
The problem with working from home is the absence of sexual harassment.
Does a transformer get car insurance or life insurance?
Bored? Find group photo of 4 women. Comment "You 3 look incredible!!"
Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon. ...We launch a bird into pigs!
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
I`m just chilling tonight with my new plane ... Oops, I`ve said too much.
Junk- something you keep for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
feels guilty for not spending more time with my kids. I should really get them a Facebook account.
I listen to all of of the voices in my head...except the one named Reason. He makes NO sense to me.
Is it weird that I`m 43 years old and have a secret handshake with 3 adults.....and my dog?
Why is powdered milk called ‘Instant milk’? Actual milk is far more instant.
Tips for Guys on Valentine`s Day: Tell your girl you already got something and make her guess. She`ll automatically list things she wants.
Friending someone on Facebook and complaining about what they post is like phoning someone to tell them you don’t want to talk to them.