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everybody has a girlfriend or boyfriend, and i`m just over here like `i love food`.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right
Meetings are 20% small talk, 5% what the meeting is about and 75% wasting everyone’s time.
I figured out the chemical composition of Holy Water. It`s H2OMG
It´s Friday-O-Clock!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hardly know you…. but, Facebook says it’s your birthday, so happy birthday!
I forget, on which side of my dinner plate am I supposed to set my phone?
I live in constant fear that someone will kidnap my mother in law who lives all alone at 48 W Main St, bldg C, Apt 32 on the 3rd floor.
Guy test! find the nearest guy by you and repeat to him the following slowly: Door knob, Titanic, Gluestick, Kiwi, Opra Winfey, Shovel, Boobs, Remote, Battery, Furby, Glowstick, Beer, & Xbox. NOW ask him what he remembers before "Boobs"
One of my friends had a baby today, and another got a puppy. I think we all know which one I`m going to visit.
Dear math, please stop asking us to find your x. She`s not coming back. And we don`t no y either.
Depending on how you look at it, half of 8 could be 4, 3, or 0.
You`re one of a kind! Thank goodness...
I know what I`m getting for Christmas ... Fat. I`m getting fat.
Learning to "stop drop and roll" in elementary school lead me to believe catching on fire would be a much more frequent problem in life.