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I BRIEFLY had an urge to clean ... but that lasted only 5 minutes .. whew! That was close! Lol
I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.
“A body at rest tends to stay at rest” should be an acceptable excuse for missing work.
The recipe said "prick with a fork,",,,, but enough about me.
Sweetie, if your gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty!
If the waitress in the One Bell Pub is reading this can we please have our pudding now, cheers
"You CAN even."- white girl life coach
I burn bridges to keep those crazy bastards from following me.
I sometimes check my blocklist to see how my prisoners are doing
I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.
More people would drink responsibly if there was a brand of beer named Responsibly.
I thought there was a spider on the rug, but it was just some yarn. It’s dead yarn now, though.
Everyone always wants to date the hot crazy chick.....Till you`re standing outside watching your house burn.
Gently placing your finger on someone’s lips and saying, “Shh, not another word,” is super romantic but cops don’t seem to think so.
Part of me wants to help you with your crisis, but part of me wants to go to happy hour.