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Those 4 words that will get any girl into bed with you. `I won the lottery`.
Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it’s all panic and screaming.
My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, "How old are you?" I said, "I`m five." He said, "When I was your age I was six."
My death bed confession is going to be epic!
True love doesn`t care about the look or size of your wallet, it`s all about what`s inside ..... the wallet.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a guy who has been single for longer than 6 months.
Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
Today, I am doing my part to conserve energe, I’m going back to bed.
is not impatient. I just patient really fast.
That awkward moment when your parents don’t appreciate the hilarious child they have.
If your problem can`t be solved by me saying "damn" and nodding a lot, then you shouldn`t come to me for help.
If anybody out there happens to have my voodoo doll, can u please scratch my balls. I happe to be in a public place at the moment.
If any of you ladies want pancakes for breakfast, just come over....you can make them here, because I want some too
I dont need to control my anger everyone around me needs to control their habit of pissing me off!
Crazy is like diarrhea. You can only hold it in for so long.