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Wanted: Someone to hand feed me Cheetos so my fingers don`t get orange..... P.S. No weirdos.
Boss: Why aren`t you working? Me: I didn`t see you coming!
Lord, grant me the courage to be the person I am under my breath.
If there`s one thing I`ve learned, it`s that I should have learned some other stuff.
I’m a proud supporter of messy hair and sweatpants.
Once you commit to the idea of a closed casket funeral it really takes a lot of pressure off how you live your life.
I think "Don`t Kid Yourself" would be a great brand name for birth control pills....
Shoutout to this ATM fee for making me buy my own money.
I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don`t show anyone going to a job they hate, and paying their bills.
Some people pass through our lives just to teach us not to be like them.
Does running out of money count as exercise?
thinks it`ll just be my luck to win the Lottery tonight ...... and the world WILL end tomorrow!
They say love is in every corner… Then my life must be a freakin’ circle.