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Late to bed and early to rise, makes me really tired and pissed off.
Why do they waste so much money on all the checkout lanes at Walmart, when they only have two of them open at any given time.
On the first day of school, I tell all my students to rip up their textbooks ..then I leave before their REAL teacher arrives.
Those who stir the sh*t-pot should be made to lick the spoon!
to do list: buy a parrot. teach the parrot to say, "Help!! I`ve been turned into a parrot!"
I don’t think we can get through adulthood without a good sense of humor and a strong middle finger.
A colon is used to indicate a list of elements to the sentence preceding it. A semicolon is for making winky faces.
When I go to the gas station I always get two kinds of drinks so it appears I actually have a friend..I think they`re catching on though.
Life is basically one long, terrible date with yourself.
I wonder if anyone has watched Storage Wars and said, "Hey, that`s my stuff!"?
is wondering why books on "how to make women happy" arent displayed in the fiction section
Mom in poetic mood ....Asked me to express emptiness .... I showed her my wallet ........ n m cheek still burns .... :-p :-p
Millions of innocent coconuts are murdered each year so you can drink their nutritious blood you insensitive health freak
Frozen water balloon fights... not a good idea.
Things ain`t nobody got time for: That