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Cauliflower is just broccoli ghosts.
My neck, my back. My pizza and my snacks.
Hey all you parents who recently named your kid Jax, We get it you`re unoriginal and watch SOA ... Hold on my daughter Grey`s Anatomy is crying.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I`m totally flexible
Why would you be scared to get Ebola? You haven`t left your couch since 2011.
I just bought all six seasons of Hoarders on DVD
I bet Bruce Wayne sometimes accidentally signs his credit card receipts “Batman” when he’s drunk. I know I do.
No Shirt No Shoes No Service. What about pants?
I don`t let my friends do stupid things... ALONE
When it gets nice out I`m going to have a roof party and after that`s done have a painting party inside, come all
"Are you completely sure this isn`t textable?" - the perfect voicemail prompt
Don`t talk about yourself so much... we`ll do that when you leave.
Mix it up a little. Text a random phone number the following msg: "The fat one won`t fit into the woodchipper. What do you want me to do?"
At this point I`m just waiting for summer to be cancelled completely.
Tip of the day: Don`t be a douche!