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I decided to go on a road trip and not come back till I ran out of money... I made it to the end of the driveway.
If I could go back in time I would put cheese on a lot more things.
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting...
Live today like it`s your last!! But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn`t.
Puttin the `eff it` in efficient today.
Why doesn’t The Rock just tell us what he’s cooking? I can’t pair wines like this.
I’m a proud supporter of messy hair and sweatpants.
I wish there was more BitStrips and photos of giraffes on my Facebook
There is no life on earth without water. Because without water, there is no coffee. And without coffee, I`ll kill you all.
Tell a girl she pretty she`ll believe it for a minute. Tell a girl she has Miley Cyrus` butt she`ll believe it for a lifetime
Guys say that women should come with instructions, but what`s the point. Have you ever seen a man read instructions?
Watch out! It’s quite possible some of my best mistakes haven’t been made yet.
was going to argue with you...but then I remembered I really didn`t care
Sorry I missed your call ... I was to busy singing and dancing to the ringtone
Bands who can`t afford a smoke machine should hire my girlfriend to cook at their concert