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I have this great midnight snack it`s called, what do I think my roommate won`t notice if I eat the edges off of
Every time I use a public bathroom, I always wonder why so many people have Sharpies on them at all times.
I really wish Walmart had a 10 teeth or more line...
Nipples (noun) - the body`s way of telling you the weather
All I want is some ketchup packets placed in the bag, without having to ask!
What if cell phones are part of an elaborate plot to rid the world of phone booths so Superman has nowhere to change?
I got kicked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks ... to the alligators.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can’t make coffee.
To the dude I just saw driving a beat up Ford mini van with spare tire and dream catcher on mirror: that dream catchers not working dude!
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village wants one.
No matter how many lives you have in Candy Crush, you’ll still never get your own back.
I wish they all could be Jerry Springer girls.
So many fun things to say ... too many relatives on Facebook to post!
Whoever named anteaters, solid effort right there.