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Trust me, you want me medicated!!
My kids keep bugging me about dinner even after I told them I already ate...
Life is harder for the beautiful people. I’m sorry you’ll never know.
A human fart can be louder than a trombone. I discovered that at my daughter`s school concert.
Best pickup line : wanna get pizza?
I need medical attention, but I will settle for just regular attention.
Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
I hate getting paid and being broke all in the same day!! :(
They say you are what you eat but I don’t remember eating a sexy beast.
My favorite exercise is somewhere between a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
Browsing the internet when bored is like the virtual version of checking the refrigerator...
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinky head that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.
A company has announced a new service where you carpool with strangers. It`s a new cutting-edge technology called "taking the bus."
I just slid off the couch and lay on the floor for a while and eventually sat up without using my hands, is that a yoga class?
Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.