Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
therapy is expensive...vodka is not. need I say more....
When a guy texts a girl “hey stranger”, what he really means is “I’ve recently thought about trying to get in your pants again.”
As a kid, i was afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I am terrified of the electrical bill.
If you play my day at work backwards, its about an idiot getting less and less annoying
Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone.. and if I do, I’ll tell them not to tell anyone.
I like it like that
“Was that lightning?” “No no…. they’re taking pictures for Google Earth..”
The trouble with going out in the cold at my age is by the time I get all bundled up, I’ve forgotten where I was going.
Always remember, it`s better to arrive late than to arrive ugly.
Of course I`m using OJ as a mixer, it`s flu season.
You have to wait 30 days to buy a gun but Amazon Prime only takes 2 days to ship live bees, no questions asked.
Based on commercials, every single car has won car of the year.
just keep scrolling nothing to see hear
If a girl picks an iron in monopoly you know she`s a keeper
Not many people can say their Batman wallet matches their underwear like I can.