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Pretty fed up with the fact that pandemonium almost NEVER involves pandas.
“What doesn’t kill you makes you smaller.” ~Mario
All I ask is to one day live in a house with secret passages.
Coffee is gods way of saying "go ahead get trashed on a weeknight, I`ve got your back"
If cats had wings, they would still just lay there.
How do you get to be that guy who waves the chopsticks at the the orchestra? I feel like I could do that.
A good man can make you feel sexy, strong, and able to take on the world ...Oh sorry ...That`s wine ...Wine does that.
I want to start a womans magazine called "Period". ..then every few months I`ll send it out late JUST to freak them out. ;)
That awkward moment when you go for a run and your boobs start to bounce up and down.......and you`re a guy.
I imagine a world where whining on Facebook is illegal.
Jack daniel was found dead by johnie walker at castle strt under savanna tree,captain morgan believed dat he was killed by strongbow.his 4cuzns said that he was best in j&b club at knights...
Before coffee: Hates everybody. After coffee: Feels good about hating everybody.
You can save a lot of money by walking face-first into a spiderweb every morning instead of buying coffee.
I woke up early this morning with the strange desire to get up and exercise. Fortunately I rolled over and closed my eyes really tight and the feeling went away.
Firemen must dread the moment when they`re done for the day and have to find the strength to climb back up the pole.