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There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
If I’ve offended you, please accept my apology. Then smack yourself in the face for getting offended by something on the Internet.
I wish I had a friend like me
I fell asleep on the couch last night & woke up thinking I was married.
I hate it when I`m in a crowded elevator and yell out "GROUP HUG!" and people look at me all weird and stuff.. Making friends is hard.
I`m glad people are exercising but I want to see cooler activities posted on FB. Like "I spent 1 hour wrestling a bear. 110 calories burned."
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time
Just found a hole in my sock and now I`m worried that the whole drawer might be pregnant.
The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.
I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.
OK look, if I meet you for a date and you don`t look anything like your pic, then you`re buying drinks for me until you do.
To hell with the "dislike" button! i think we need a "who cares" button, a "WTF" button and a "STFU!" button. just saying.... Oh and a "lol" button because i just get tired of writing it! lol!
Do you smoke? Smokers: "Yes." Non-Smokers: "Never have, never will." Stoners: "Smoke what?"
If by "crunches" you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then yes, I do crunches.