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Remember the good old days when making the “duck face” involved 2 Pringles?
Instead of calling in sick, call in well. Tell them how great you feel not having to go to work today.
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "klondike bar".
If Google can`t find the answer, it`s not a question.
To all my Facebook friends. Have a happy St. Patrick`s day, and all the festivities this weekend. Stay safe, enjoy life, and if you by chance happen to find a bartender who is bad at math...give me a call :)
I was getting really depressed today but then I realized double cheeseburgers exist
If I could trade places with anyone for a day it would have to be on the day I die. I wouldn`t want to be me on that day.
Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday
Well, the people outside are frightful.
Having a mohawk used to mean you were tough. Now it means you’re a 3 year-old with annoying parents.
When you leave store without buying anything and all you can think is `keep calm, you`re innocent`.
Being in the doghouse isn`t so bad if there`s enough beer in the bowl.
I run a non-profit company. It`s not for a good cause or anything, I`m just not very good at business.
If the zombie apocalypse happened in Vegas…would it “stay in Vegas”?
The heart wants what the heart wants. *opens 12th beer*