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My favorite coffee in the morning is the one where no one talks to me while I drink it.
I have decided to stop doing things "Like a Boss" and will now do things "Like a Rhinestone Cowboy."
says, I am not an alcoholic. I am a social drinker. Problem is, I socialize too much!
If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and shit.
Please accept this bundle of fragrant plants grown expressly to be killed while in their prime as a token of my love for you.
This beer tastes like I’m going to text you later.
Redneck Term Of Thee Day-Wisdom: "Mah bruther had him some kidney stones, but he wisdom out!"
I carry a yoga mat, but it`s only because I get sleepy after lunch
Due to the rise in the economy, the position 69 will now be 96, due to the higher cost of eating out.
If you try to pronounce “lmao” you sound like a french cat.
Give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he’ll probably be like, “Hey, remember when you used to just give me fish?”
The biggest lie I tell myself is: “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”
Weekends will from now on begin on Wednesday because that is when it should truly begin!
I wonder if these beers are performance enhancing. I’m feeling pretty awesome!!
If we meet offline and you look nothing like your photos, you`re buying me drinks until you do.