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When people said they sleep like a baby, it`s because they do not have one.
something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow
My wife said I can definitely have a man cave, if that`s what I want to start calling the hall closet.
Sometimes I wish that I could put my wife on airplane mode.
If love is blind....why is lingerie so popular?
I took my family to Sea World this weekend, but i wasnt allowed in. Apparently you cant take your fishing rod.
Ever notice that the first 10 seconds of a medical drug commercial is spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest basically daring you to take it?
Life is just better when you’re laughing.
OMG, what a day I had. If Monday was a guy, I`d punch him in the throat!
Guys, freedom of speech doesn`t mean you can spell things any way you want to.
Is it physically possible to be sad in rollerskates? Cause I think my cat`s just being dramatic.
Just gave the Earth a one-star rating and a bad review on TripAdvisor to discourage any aliens that were planning an invasion.
Being a parent means often saying your child is shy rather than "he sees how creepy u are, that`s why he doesn`t want to shake your hand".
It`s acceptable for someone to eat cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner as long as they still go to the gym, right? I`m asking for a friend...
She caught my iphone before it hit the ground... She`s definitely my screensaver