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I have a new rule: No one is allowed to talk to me for a minimum of 24 hours after I wake up.
Wanna know what it`s like being married? Chain yourself to a wild animal. Now kick the animal.
To all the people who think they don`t need deodorant: What in the world would make you think that?
Bring multiple sets of clothes to work, change every hour, and act like nothing’s different.
If the conversation gets too serious and uncomfortable, take your pants off.
I`m feeling about as useful as a stoplight in Grand Theft Auto.
As a child, my mom told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
Helped my kid pick out a "famous past explorer" for a class assignment. Hope no one else in her class picks Internet Explorer 6.
The first rule of the OCD Club is to have a second rule so there is an even number of rules.
I saw a book titled Learning To Read For Dummies. At first I thought that sounded insulting, but then I realized anybody who would be insulted by that title wouldn`t even know what it says.
According to my current parking spot, I`m Chief of Police.
I`m sexy and I know it really is....... your slutty and you blow it.
These Days everything is really starting to Click!.......My knee`s, my elbows, and the rest of my joints!
M?o?n?, T?u?e?s?, W?e?d?, T?h?u?r?s?, Friday !!!!
It`s amazing how much more money I have when I`m drunk.