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You poor thing. You don`t even realize you`re batsh!t crazy, do you?
All I`m saying is, I`ve never seen my ex and Satan in the same room together.
I`m not the type of person you should put on speaker phone
A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?" Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"
People liking my status from a week ago on Facebook proves that I have stalkers.
If I learned anything from my children, it`s that it is always OK to do something stupid, as long as someone DARED you to do it.
As i walk thru the valley of the shadow of death i was like what da f**k am i doin here
If someone says “you’re funny” instead of laughing, you’re not.
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then...
Some old people are driving vehicles right now and don’t even know it.
No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you. I just want the oil change
You know what they say about men with big feet ;)..........We always have trouble finding shoes that fit.
Trust is knowing you never have to look through their phone.
It’s not the holiday season unless you push your body to the brink of alcoholism and diabetes.
Would buy you a drink but I would be jealous of the glass.