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Somewhere someone`s therapist knows you.
Better ingredients. Better pizza. Horrible acting. Papa Johns.
Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider’s home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy…you just hoped nobody found out.
Hey people who say I am boring and not interesting; FYI the police just called saying they want to talk to me because I am "a person of interest"
You`re the one who wore a red and yellow scarf to class. So don`t look at me weird for shouting "10 points for gryffindor" when you answer questions cause I know you wanted this. -Bfanch
I`m a crabby a$$ bitch before my coffee ... and after
Applebees is a word that starts off pretty tame but takes a dangerous twist
Just a word of advice for all you single guys having a hard time out there, Forget the clubs, forget the churches, forget the online dating sites, as the best places to meet single women are the freezer section and down the cat food isle.....
I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry.
i have noticed you notice me noticing you
My dinner stomach is full, but my dessert stomach still has room.
I`m so glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how long it takes me to understand what someone is saying.
What do you mean being awesome for another year isn`t a resolution?
Sometimes in life you have to give the people around you a little push ... into traffic.
If people would moan loudly during a pat down, the line would move much quicker.