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The sexiest fantasy in 50 Shades Of Grey is the bit where she gets a job in journalism without having to do years of unpaid work experience.
Save your little napkin, bartender. I don’t plan on having this drink long enough to set it down.
I hate when its dark and my brain is like “Hey you know what we haven’t thought of in a while?” Monsters.
It`s so cold Miley Cyrus got her toungue stuck on her wrecking ball
Miley Cyrus could never live in the kind of cold we`re having here. Can you imagine all the poles her tounge would get stuck to?
People say love is the best feeling ever. However I think finding a toilet right away when you have diarrhea is better.
Tenderizing the meat sounds a lot sexier than it is
Those who stir the sh!t pot should have to lick the spoon.
The Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
Apparently, 4 people die every year trying to put their pants on... - me, explaining to my (ex)boss why I went in with no pants
Do you ever dislike someone so much that you hate when people are nice to them?
Having a bit of a lazy day! I`m sitting in my underwear looking for better jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused.
I`m starting to think that all those hours in school, when I practiced writing my autograph, was just a waste of time.....
The naked truth, is always better than someone’s best dressed lie.
I went for window shopping , and guest what , I bought four windows....