Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If zombies ever do attack just go to Costco, they have walls, years of food and supplies, and zombies can’t get in without a Costco membership.
If I won the lottery, I don`t think I would change much. I`d still be the same asshole, just one in a helicopter.
Dear Graduates: Congratulations on making it through the easiest part of your life!
Dating someone based only on looks is so shallow. Consider other things, like, do they have a lot of money.
The most difficult part about taking a personality test is deciding which personality should take it.
My only argument with using the treadmill, is that I can`t run away from my farts.
This donut scented car freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
Awww, look. My middle finger likes you!
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life
I met a lady named Polly once. She didn`t care for crackers, nor my sense of humor.
life is short play naked
My new girlfiend is taking forever to exist.
When people stare at me, I assume its because they are taking notes on how to be a bad a$$ motherf*cker.
Calling your girlfriend beautiful because you forgot her name.
I wonder if Brazil has a wax museum?