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I hit a new low today and used a cheat code on Wii Fit
All I ask is to one day live in a house with secret passages.
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
I need medical attention, but I will settle for just regular attention.
The truth is, men put the lids on jars that tight so you’d need us, we’re not that stupid.
That awkward moment when Adele finds someone like me
Magic words that make my children disappear: 1) Bath time. 2) Who did this?!?! 3) When I was your age...
I can’t afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair.
Once you get past my charm, good looks, intelligence and my sense of humor, I think it’s my modesty that stands out.
The guys at Home Depot must take classes to know exactly what I meant by "the little thing next to that one piece with the round thing."
I’m moving to Africa. Apparently there I can eat for 12 cents a day.
I started drinking a little early. Yesterday, to be more precise.
Two things that most people want. 1. Lose weight 2. Eat
"This is so wrong," I say excitedly, my heart racing, my hands trembling.. as I butter a doughnut
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside