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I`m actually a really good driver, when Facebook is down.
So how long before GoFundMe is our nation`s leading health care provider?
It`s weird how we are all here because of boners
Picked up a hitchhiker last night. He said thanks how do you know I’m not a serial killer? I replied the chances of two serial killer’s being in the same car are astronomical.
I should never have climbed into this vat of curdled milk. I`m in whey over my head.
Do they have to play movies so loud at the theatre? I litterally have to scream into my phone.
You say I’m not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I’m not cold, I’m hot. I know I’m hot. Thanks for embracing it.
All I`m saying is, you`ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time
You’ve never truly lived until someone has posted a sign because of something you’ve done.
ever notice that on a phone the word "mom" is 666?
How do Amish girls know if it`s a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular one #DeepThoughts
The worst walk of shame is the one back onto the crowded elevator after getting out on the wrong floor.
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit"
That awkward moment when you type your password where you should`ve typed your email, and your friend`s standing right there -___-
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn’t hear you the first 100 times.