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What`s it called when you always have a sweet tooth, but it`s only for booze?
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons!! Enjoy the day
Legally,It´s questionable. Morally,It´s disgusting. Personally,I like it.
You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
Sometimes, I like to stalk random strangers vacation pic`s, and tag myself as one of the people in the background just for laughs.
If I throw a stick will you leave?
If you want to ruin a song forever use it for your alarm.
Hey! Wanna make $$$$$$ fast? Just follow my simple instructions. 1:Hold down the Shift key 2:Press the number 4 six times. It’s that easy.
Why isn’t our beer color coordinated for all holiday occasions, instead of just St. Patricks Day?
Shake up a random soda pop in the company fridge today. You deserve it.
I stopped going to AA because all of their stories were about how they hit rock bottom by waking up next to me.
When I die I`m going to go to heaven and God is going to be like nope, remember what you said on Facebook
I hate long distance relationships. That`s why I moved the fridge into my bedroom.
Abstinence makes the arm grow stronger ... at least one of them anyway.
Burglars must love "My Family Stickers". They can wait in front of someone`s house, count the people that leave, and know if they have a dog or not...