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wants to remind you this Halloween, that as a general rule, don`t solve riddles that open portals to Hell.
I wish I could feel as happy as an adult, as I felt as a kid when the teacher wheeled in the TV during class
United States is where moms get a day and shark get a whole week.
I love long legs.... Long sexy legs..... But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
I don’t understand ads on porn sites. like who is ever in the middle of jerking off then goes like “woah! that’s the new detergent?”
I`m just a boy, standing in front of a girl; not listening to a f*cking thing she`s saying. But nodding, lots of nodding.
And yet another year goes by with People magazine failing to recognize my beauty.
There`s no `i` in "Shut the f*ck up!"
It`s impossible to get a parking ticket if you don`t have windshield wipers.
My box of animal crackers says "May contain nuts." So I`m inspecting each animal before I eat it...just in case.
That akward moment you try and deep throat a banana and get caught ... and your a dude.
I went to the missing persons` beurau. No one was there.
Just once I`d like to see a stripper do the "Carlton" on stage.
Wanna ruin a girl’s day? Respond to her next text with “Who is this?”
new years resolution #1: stop losing the powerball