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Roadside sobriety tests are getting ridiculous...Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet.
Not sure if this Adderall is working but I just made a pros and cons list about pros and cons lists.
I`m confused, oh wait, maybe I`m not.
I`ve come to terms with the fact that I will never experience leftover pizza.
If you ever disappeared while hiking, I’d remain with the search party at least until it started raining.
Camping is fun if you`re into pretending that you`re homeless.
I’d be 100x more motivated if Samuel L. Jackson yelled at me to get things done.
Why is it that flies can get in your car so easy, but can`t figure out how to escape with all the windows down.
Lets watch a reality show about nasty rednecks acting like rednecks, but get mad when one of them says something a redneck would say
I get a lot of “You must work out!!!” I just wish it wasn’t from doctors. :(
Fun Fact about me: The drunker I get, the more karate I know.
It should be a rule that if you dress up like a red hair clown , you get a free happy meal at McDonalds .....I`ll pay this time , but I`m not happy ... !!
Don’t judge me because I only have $4 in my pocket. Judge me because I stole it off my daughter’s night stand.
I told my kids to follow their hopes and dreams, as long as their hopes and dreams lead them out of my house when they`re 18.
All these years and I still don`t understand why they didn`t put Kevin Bacon in Grease.