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Your baby was cute until I realized you’re on the same flight as me. Now your baby is stupid.
The Hobbit 2: we`ve still got a long way to walk
I am currently watching the Holy Grail of horror movies. There are 10 minutes left and the black guy is still alive.
I am a little worried that every "evacuation route" sign is leading away from my house.
doesn`t mind that people start spreading rumors about me.. it’s when they spread the truth that I’m screwed ;)
Looking back at old text messages and Facebook messages and being like "What the hell was I thinking when I said that."
I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "the Illuminaughty".
"I don`t see color." - A person who shouldn`t eat snow.
Not doing anything with my life is surprisingly time consuming.
My neighbors complained that I never mow my lawn. So I started mowing. The cops showed up at 3 a.m.. These neighbors are never happy...
Yes, I talk to myself...Yes, I answer myself and Yes, I argue with myself....and the makeup sex is awesome.
I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry.
I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn’t even eat them?
There`s no hiding it, my ex sucks at school... And in cars, alleys, and public restrooms...
Even if gas prices go down, I´m still going to siphon gas from my neighbor´s car because I like the adrenaline rush and he´s an a$$hole