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I`m surprised more killers haven`t lured their victims into their houses by blind folding them and promises of being on a febreze commercial
The only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed.
Game of Thrones characters should have to wear jerseys with their names on the back
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
If you don’t want to marry me, why did you sit next to me on this bus?
You look like I need another drink
Someday, somewhere, somehow I’m going to do something.
Saw my ex with another guy at a bar last night. So I ordered a beer, took a few sips, walked over to their table, gave her date the rest of my drink and walked away... #leftovers
People who spend their lives complaining how other people are doing nothing productive for society are doing nothing productive for society.
Once you have to start paying a babysitter every time you go out, you realize most friendships aren`t worth it.
Sleep is for people with no internet connection.
I Got so Drunk Last Night ,.I Walked Across the Dance Floor to Get Another Drink, and I Won the DANCE COMPETITION...!!
If you don`t do stupid sh!t while you`re young, you`ll have nothing to talk about later in life while sitting at the bar.
I hate spelling errors so much. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined....
I have nothing!